stress - what the *&$# is it?

The Origin of the Term "Stress"

The word "stress" actually has its roots in the field of engineering. In the 1930s, scientists used the term to describe the physical strain placed on a structure, like a beam or a bridge, when it’s subjected to external forces. The idea was simple: stress was something that caused a system to bend, warp, or break under pressure.

Scientists like Hans Selye began to apply the concept of stress to biology, suggesting that when an organism faces a challenge, it triggers a series of physiological responses. These responses, often occurring below the level of conscious awareness, are designed to maintain internal balance. Stress, in this sense, isn’t inherently bad—it’s a protective mechanism meant to help us survive. The body reacts to stressors—whether physical, emotional, or environmental—to keep our internal systems within their optimal ranges (i.e., homeostasis). But just as in engineering, too much pressure for too long can overwhelm or even break the system.

How Stress is Sold to Us

Marketers quickly recognized stress as a profitable concept. Once stress was seen as something uncomfortable and potentially harmful, it became a problem to sell solutions for. One of the most striking examples was the marketing of cigarettes as stress relievers. Ads portrayed smoking as a way to unwind—a quick fix to calm the nerves. The idea that a product could alleviate the pressures of daily life became a compelling message in a society just beginning to understand stress. And thus, stress relief became commodified.

Self-Regulation vs. Self-Control

The major flaw in the commercial narrative about stress is that it emphasized self-control rather than self-regulation. In modern wellness and self-help circles, stress is often framed as something we can "manage" by thinking differently or changing our emotional responses. But this narrative misses the mark.

Stress is not just a mental or emotional experience—it’s a full-body biological response. Telling someone to "think positive" or "power through" ignores the fact that stress often arises when our internal systems are overwhelmed. True support means asking: what stressors are pushing us out of balance? And how can we restore regulation, not just control our reactions?

How Do We Reduce Our Stressload?

We all experience stress, but reducing our overall stress load requires knowing where our stressors are coming from. Dr. Stuart Shanker’s concept of the Five Domains of Stress gives us a helpful framework:

Biological:

Stress often starts here. Our body is constantly working—even at rest, it’s repairing and regulating. Biological stressors can be obvious, like loud noises or crowds. Others are more subtle: background noise, uncomfortable clothes, processed foods. We may think we’re handling it all just fine, but our nervous system is always keeping score.

Emotion:

We’re taught to think of stress as an emotional state, but it’s really about energy depletion and mounting tension. Emotional and biological stressors can amplify each other. Think about when you’re sick and stretched thin—it’s easy to snap. Or think of a newborn: their biological and emotional needs are completely intertwined. That never really stops for us, we just lose support for meeting those needs.

Cognitive:

Often, our desire to "fix" our stress starts in this domain. We want to focus better, manage time, knock out to-do lists. But cognitive stress usually links back to stress in other domains. Fatigue (biological) makes focus harder. Deadlines (emotional) add pressure. The more stress piles up, the harder it is to think clearly. Recognizing this lets us accommodate ourselves instead of pushing harder.

Social:

Social interactions can be nourishing—or draining. It takes effort to read facial cues, tone, timing. When our stress load is high, social engagement can feel like a chore. But ironically, it's also one of our most powerful tools for co-regulation. The key? Noticing what kinds of social settings feel restorative and which ones leave us feeling more depleted.

Prosocial:

Being human means feeling with others. But carrying others’ pain is demanding. If we’re constantly absorbing the stress of those around us, our own system can go into shutdown to protect itself. Some people feel like they have no empathy left; others feel like they carry too much. Either end of that spectrum is a sign the stress load is too high. The answer is never shame—it’s recognition and self-compassion.

Breaking the Stress Cycle

Chronic stress creates a feedback loop where the body never gets a chance to reset. This is often referred to as the stress cycle. Breaking it requires more than mindset shifts—it demands that we engage the body’s natural recovery system: the parasympathetic nervous system.

How do we activate that? Through non-verbal signals of safety. A soothing tone, gentle touch, and calm body language can all communicate safety more effectively than words. Once the body feels safe, it can begin to exit fight-or-flight and move toward repair.

Our stress responses aren’t broken—they’re trying to protect us. But just like an overworked bridge, even the strongest systems need relief. And that starts with understanding, not judgment.